I imagine most people do.
I used to Love it. Getting a shoebox and decorating it and having your friends fill it with valentines….cute, mandatory of most students, weather they liked you or not.
I made a joke the other day about companies should still enforce that tradition! It would be a great way to get Carol from accounting to let Mike from Standards and Practices that she liked him!!
I generally think LOVE is Great.
I also view it as something I’m NEVER going to have. I’m not even sure what IT is supposed to feel like.
When I was growing up I didn’t feel it. Sure People in My Life would Say “We Love You” on Birthdays and Holidays but NOT Everyday. Once it came out I felt like that , Those people would say it more often but it felt contrived.
In my twenties I thought Love and Sex were similar, So I had A LOT of Sex!
Not the same.
But My Sexual Skills are refined for sure Now!!
All kidding aside,
We are bombarded in society, culture and pop culture with what love is…
Bf/Gfs Bf/Bf Gf/Gf
Weddings and babies and flowers and trips and gifts and food and how if your not engrossed in a relationship and you don’t have a friend or a soul mate or a FWB then you must be damaged.
It certainly makes you feel that way.
Try going to Wal Mart the night before Valentines.
I was flirted with by so many NOT Single Men….
All participating in the pageantry of VDay! Buying Teddy Bears and Flowers and Candy and Cards…Sharing Love, True Love or Fake Love Both Love I’m not getting.
Then you get to hear things like
Hey Gorgeous!? You Single? WHY??!! Your a goddess??
Or You don’t need a Man , You should by yourself Flowers!!
Or Hey Why are You taking home a Pizza and Calzone, Mami??!! Is that for your Man???
Secretly , it’s for Me. I’m going to eat it all and cry.
This Last Month is one of the hardest I’ve ever endured. Between the courts and raising awareness and having some health setbacks I’ve been supported and surrounded by some Amazing people. I’ve also felt Super ALONE.
I think it’s funny that people think of your pretty or beautiful you must be “Swimming in Love Offers”
DRY AS A WELL
But Maybe it’s because I’m different
I have to be totally transparent and upfront about who I am and how I came to be.
Men are Brutal
Charming, Sexy, whatever they NEED to say or Do to get you in Bed.
When you Hold out or deny them easy, fast sex.
They make YOU feel like the problem.
Tonight on February 14th, I opened a message from a Local Guy. It read….
“God! Your Breathtaking! Simply Stunning! A True Beauty!…..
I just read your profile and think it’s a damn travesty that you present as a Goddess , but in reality are a Freak. WTF is Intersex or XXY!
I would have to be completely hammered to fuck you…. But Let Me Know if You Want too.”
It was a stark reminder of how people view Me. How people view my intersex counterparts how and why we feel like we are never going to have a chance to feel real love.
That We (the intersex community) can dream of things like engagement pictures, or a wedding or a house or trips or even a moment of pure Happiness and it just seems as ridiculous as winning the lottery.
It reminds me that, As much as I preach about souls connecting, I’m not ever going to be seen as anything short of a Bucket List Item to Check Off some taboo list.
That’s Why I hate Valentines Day.
If you have the opportunity to be in Love…whatever that is….celebrate it Every Day.